got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
