my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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