Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
