Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
