today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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