he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
