I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
