I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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