So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Just invented taco cereal.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
