i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
