I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
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The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
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I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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