I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
