not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
