Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Non-Jews are for practice
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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