this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
