Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
