all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I am midnight drunk by noon
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
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