you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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