Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
