the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
