Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
