right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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