and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
