Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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