no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
