You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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