It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
