Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
