i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Send us your Text From Last Night!
i would punch a child for taco bell
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
You drinking a lot?
Define a lot
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
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