Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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