giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
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And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
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I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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