How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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