I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
