We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
she peed on how many people?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
