My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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