I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
