My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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