Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
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I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
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When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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