If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Ladies don't puke and tell
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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