it was like his penis was on wheels.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
