he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
