Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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