Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Houston, we have a squirter
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Loading more great texts...