his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
