I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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