when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
