i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
It was like giving head to a cactus.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
