Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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