I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
