I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
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Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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