Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
