I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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