you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Send us your Text From Last Night!
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
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