eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
