the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
