I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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