:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
