By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
