We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
