What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
