laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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