One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
