Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize