Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
