she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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