Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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