If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize