well I can't set my house on fire every night
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
