Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize