im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
