Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
