I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
