It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
