We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
