apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
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