Grow some girl-balls and come out already
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I was not drunk enough for that final.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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