do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
